Your Questions Answered

 

Queries

 

Walimah

 

Question: According to a Hadith, the best Walimah is that in which the poor are fed. Considering this, does a Walimah mean giving food to the poor on this happy occasion?

Answer: If we collect and analyze all the Ahadith on this subject, the picture which emerges is:

1. In Arabic, the word Walimah means a feast or a banquet. Using it specifically for a post-wedding banquet is a later practice. It is not by any means part of the Islamic Shari‘ah. It is basically a cultural function that depends on the customs and traditions of a society.

2. The Ahadith which urge Muslims to call the poor to such banquets consequently do not just pertain to the post-wedding functions of today, but to all banquets.

3. The words poor and the needy in these Ahadith particularly refer to the poor who are known to the bridegroom –eg if there are some among his relatives or friends; similarly his servants at his house or office. Of course, these Ahadith do not mean that it is required to go out and hunt for them.

 

 

Drinking Water while Standing

 

Question: I have come across the following H~adith:

 

Abu Hurayrahreports from the Prophet: No one from amongst you should drink water while standing. Whoever forgets should throw up. (Muslim: Kitabu’l-Ashribah)

 

Does this mean that drinking water while standing is absolutely prohibited?

Answer: Drinking water while sitting down is part of the social etiquette Islam teaches its followers. One should try to observe this etiquette whenever it is possible for him. However, if a person does not do so, he will not be punished since this directive is not part of the Islamic Shari‘ah. It is known that the Prophet (sws) drank water while standing up as well:

 

‘Umar Ibn Shu‘aybreports from his grandfather: I saw that the Prophet (sws) used to drink water while standing as well as sitting. (Tirmadhi: Kitabu’l-Ashribah)

 

Similarly, there are a number of other Ah~adithwhich narrate that many companions of the Prophet (sws) also used to follow both practices.

The H~adithyou have referred to is not only Mawquf (a sort of weakness in its chain of its narrators), according to some scholars of H~adith, but also cannot be accepted in the presence of a number of Ah~adithin which drinking water while standing is regarded as perfectly allowable. After all, the Prophet (sws) cannot simultaneously give two opposite directives.

In my opinion, it seems that in the H~adithof Abu Hurayrah and in other Ah~adithwhich contain such severity on drinking water while standing, either there must have been other details which have failed to reach us or the narrators misunderstood what the Prophet (sws) had actually said.

 

 

Surrendering to Allah’s Will (1)

 

Question: I am in love with this Japanese woman I once met in London. I told her that I wished to marry her, but she rejected my offer; the reason being that I was not Japanese and that her parents wouldn’t like it, and also that I was four years younger. Now, according to her, she will have a marriage in Japan arranged by her parents. This is causing me great pain as I cannot imagine her being with another man. She has also asked me never to contact her again. It has now been some months since I communicated to her last, but I am in great pain and depression. I don’t want to marry anyone else, as I will not feel comfortable. Now the situation is that I am looking for a girl that resembles her in appearance and behaviour, which means she has to be Japanese too. I need to know the Islamic point of view in relation to the above situation.

Answer: Well, according to the Qur’an, a Muslim should always try to remain thankful to the circumstances the Almighty has ordained for him. You see, our objective as a Muslim is to surrender to the will of the Almighty, since we know that He always means well for us. When He does not let a person achieve a target that person had set for himself, it may imply that He wants to shield him from its ill-effects, which that person could have no knowledge of. As the saying goes: man proposes and God disposes. It is His will which has to ultimately prevail and it is to this will that we must submit. This is the essence of Islam.

The other thing is that falling in love is one thing and ‘trying’ to fall in love another. The former is but natural and cannot be objected to if proper norms and limits are maintained before a man and woman can get married. The latter is not a very decent thing to do. Such emotions are spontaneous and if made conditional to artificial means, generate unseeming and unbecoming attitudes and demeanour. My advice to you would be to accept the decision of Allah with perseverance and spend your time in constructive activities . Maybe you will fall in love a second time. But let it happen automatically. Also, you must be very careful: if you do come across such a relationship, you must observe the limits of the Shari‘ah

 

 

Surrendering to Allah’s Will (2)

 

Question: As a follow up to my previous question, I wanted to ask that since Allah has the power to do everything, why do there have to be hardships and difficulties at all? Allah is so merciful and powerful; why can’t He amend the circumstances He has ordained for us in our own favour? Why does there has to be suffering at all? Why can’t He just make it work for us? My current situation has led me to a self-destructive state. I have conducted all the major sins. I don’t get this logic. I was a good man before I separated from her but now I am in a very bad state. There are other people who get what they want. Why is there a differentiation?

Answer: In thisregard, the true philosophy of life should be understood. We have been created to be tested and tried as to which of us does good deeds and which among us commit bad ones. This trial has been conducted through the circumstances which we are put in. If we are put through good circumstances, then our trial is whether we remain thankful to the Almighty who gave us without asking and without our having any right. If we are put through bad circumstances, then our trial is whether we show perseverance and patience in these times or not.

Both these circumstances generally come in a person’s life. They are his real test. He cannot be given total happiness or total misery since that would make the trial profoundly difficult.

It is evident from the Qur’an that the Almighty tests us through hardships:

1. to punish us for our own misdoings(42:30),

2. to shield us from greater misery (18:74, 18:79),

3. to sift out the evil within us (3:179),

4. to give us the opportunity to earn reward by showing patience (3:142, 76:12).

In such circumstances, it is expected that a Muslim will surrender to God’s will and always seek Him. He is our only saviour and refuge. One Whom we will never lose like our other relations; Who is always with us and Who always thinks well for us.

 

 

Inheritance and Gifts

 

Question:The case in point is: A father during his life time gives a sum of money to all his daughters and says to them that this is your Wirthah (inheritance).The daughters take the money without saying anything to the father as they respect him. After a few years, the father dies and all the money as far as the sisters know is now with the one and only son, ie their brother. The father does not leave any instructions regarding the distribution of his wealth. The sisters know that the wealth of their father was much more than the amount given to the sisters as inheritance during the father’s life. Now my questions are:

1. If during the life, a father distributes his wealth, does he have to distribute it in accordance with Shari‘ah, or can he give the son much more than the daughters?

2. After his death, who is responsible for the distribution of his wealth as per the Shari‘ah?

Answer: As a principle, a person in his own lifetime has the right to give or gift his wealth in any proportion to any or all of his children. In this regard, the Shari‘ah imposes no obligation on him except that he should be fair and just with all his children in this regard.

As far as his inheritance is concerned, it solely relates to the wealth and property which he leaves behind after his death. In this case, the Shari‘ah has fixed the shares of his heirs. They must be given their share in the prescribed proportion. All his heirs must sit together and distribute his wealth among themselves according to this proportion. If any one of them does any injustice in this distribution, he must know that according to the Qur’an (4:13-14) he is doing a grave sin. The other heirs have the right to take this case to the court if they think that they are being deprived of their right by someone.

Consequently, whatever you received from your father in his life was a gift from him. It cannot be regarded as your share of inheritance. You still have a share in his wealth as his legal heirs, which of course you have the right to demand.

 

 

Migration to Non-Muslim Lands

 

Question: If the law and order situation in a Muslim state is awful, like it was in Iraq or in Karachi, do you think a Muslim can migrate to a non-Muslim country to seek protection? Needless to mention is the fact that in many of the western countries a Muslim can lead his life according to the will of Allah - nobody is concerned there with your personal matters and they consider religion to be a personal matter. In fact, if you allow me to say, the situation in some non-Muslim countries is more conducive for living according to the teachings of Islam than quite a few Muslim countries. To give you an example, countries like Libya, Syria, and Turkey are severe even on issues like growing your beard. On the other hand, I know of many people who started practicing Islam after they migrated to the USA. I have also spent a year in the USA, and I think I was a better Muslim there than in Pakistan. I know that there are many problems associated with the western society and it is very hard for a person living there to safeguard him/herself against them, but then you have to make a decision. If you move around in a circle of good Muslims, you can protect yourself as well as your family from the effects of western culture to a certain extent. Please clarify me on this issue keeping in view the current scenario in Muslim and non-Muslim states. Is there any instruction in Qur’an which restricts Muslims to keep living in a Muslim country even if they find that they are not contributing in a positive sense to humanity and that they can do it in a better way by migrating to a non-Muslim country?

Answer: The Shari‘ah has not stopped Muslims from settling anywhere in the world whether in Muslim countries or in non-Muslim ones. It is entirely a person’s choice and decision. The only thing which perhaps he should care about, if he is a practicing Muslim, is that the place he is going to settle in be conducive to his faith and religion.

Consequently, so important is the place a Muslim settles in as far as his faith is concerned that the Qur’an emphatically directs Muslims to migrate from societies or countries where they are persecuted because of their religion, and which as a result they are unable to follow. If they do not, they will be dearly held responsible for this indifference and be consigned to Hell. The Qur’an says:

 

When angels take the souls of those who die in sin against their souls [while living among the infidels] they will ask them: In what state were you? They will reply: We were helpless and oppressed in this country. The angels will say: Was not the earth of Allah spacious enough for you that you could have migrated from it. Such men will find their abode in Hell –what an  evil refuge! (4:97)

 

 

The Plight of a Distressed Wife

 

Question: I am an American born Muslimah who has been married for four years to an Arab. During this time, I have given all I can to this marriage only not to have him reciprocating even a little. I can honestly say I have NOT grown one gram (emotionally, financially or spiritually); as a matter of fact I think I’m worse off. There is NO WAY I can spend the rest of my life with him. I don’t believe he is a bad person, but he’s just not the one for me. As much as I’d hate to admit failure, I have to. I made a mistake and think that the only answer is dissolution of this marriage. We met through the personnel of an Islamic magazine, so there was no real ‘getting to know you’ period. At that time he was working outside the US, I was here in the States. After about nine months of talking and writing weekly (as well as sending an in depth questionnaire (which I later realised he didn’t completely understand), I went to his home country to meet him and his family. And we were married two weeks later even though my instincts were not completely at ease. But I’d come so far; how could I have gone back home and admit my folly? Soon it became evident to him that I could not live  the cooped up life in the vastly different Arabian Peninsula. We’d planned that we should move back to the States. After a few months we came here. He had no real skills to secure any well-paid job, and in fact has worked in retail ever since, never making enough so that I would not have to work also. Well after a year and a half of marriage I got pregnant unexpectedly and he was devastated! I was shocked! I figured a good Muslim would be thrilled. In my mind, a good and decent man would have made whatever sacrifices that were necessary to help me be comfortable and carefree during that time. He basically ignored my pregnancy until he couldn’t anymore: about 8 1/2 months! And it was also at that point, on our second anniversary that it became painfully clear that there was no way we could remain together for eternity. He was never supportive of how or what I felt. Although I asked repeatedly, he would never read about pregnancy or talk to the other few Muslims men he knew. I don’t believe he told his family about it until they heard her cry once and he has never sent pictures to them even though I have hundreds! Because he came here the easy way, and because I knew the ins and outs of maintaining a household having lived alone for the previous four years I did everything with the expectation that in 12-18 months or so he’d be adept enough to take care of most of it. But now four years later, I’m still doing everything: paying the bills, doing the shopping, cleaning, caring for our daughter, maintaining the car, making money ... everything!! I have asked him over and over to at least take over some of these responsibilities, particularly the management of the money because I’m not good at it (I can be impulsive), and it would more evenly distribute the weight. Out of 46 months, he’s done it at most five times and never for a complete month cycle. I even made him a spreadsheet with the expense, date, amounts, last mailing date, etc. and he just ignores it. It’s fallen on deaf ears!!! And of course at the end of my 16 hour day, he thinks I should be happy and more than willing to get intimate!!! On the occasions when we do, I usually have to fantasise about another man (no one I know) to endure it. Though we have discussed it over and over. He REFUSES to take responsibility for the things he needs to ? Being the leader of the household, he is incapable of making the simplest of decisions like finding a new apartment or finding a more profitable job. Speaking of which he has never made a real concerted effort to find better or part-time employment to ease the stress on me and our financial situation. But every month, no matter how stretched our budget is, we send his mother her monthly stipend--a couple of times I have had to borrow it from my mom!!!) He won’t even go to bed timely or set the alarm clock to wake himself up for work. We have no savings. The $2000 we got back from our income taxes is supposed to go toward bringing his mother and nephew here for a visit this summer. He still owes me my mahr. He has not made any attempts to take classes to make himself more marketable in the job arena. He has not made any attempts to help out more around the house. He refuses to cook or pick up even on his day off. He usually sleeps till noon; then he may go to the mall or somewhere else just as useless for five hrs instead of looking for a job. We have only one car and since I work furthest away, I normally have the car. But I drop him off to work at least four days per week and pick him up every day…even at night….sleeping baby in tow…rain, sleet, snow. That’s his excuse, but in our city the bus, subway, and light rail can take you everywhere. He sure gets to the mall or downtown easily enough on it? He doesn’t believe a woman can have her own mind (ideas, opinions and dreams.) Without those what am I? I want to travel, expand my mind and horizons while he seems happy to be stagnant. He shows no interests in what is happening to me at anytime and is so out of touch with me personally. He is not my best friend or confidante and has never tried to be. My manager at work is more in tune to how I feel…illness, sadness, and elation…than he is? He never plans or initiates activities (like bowling or a day trip) for us or willingly participates in the ones I plan. I have to shame him into doing things, even going to the Eid prayer. He takes no interest or joys in his child’s new endeavours. Saturday and Sunday are my days off, but my daughter is with me every moment. I love her dearly but sometimes I want a break too; do I get it? No. Have I begged for it? Oh, too many times to mention. More importantly, he doesn’t encourage me to pray or read or grow in Islam. But he wants my head completely covered at all times.

Now to my husband’s credit, since you are only hearing one side of the story: He is basically very kindred, has always kept a job, and despite his original intentions I believe he did love me (and our child); he has never ever raised his hand up to hit me even though I do often speak to him in an extremely disrespectful manner, which I know will in no way endear him to me. And I get so angry when we keep running in the same circles that I explode. He has not lived up to his responsibilities; thus I have two kids instead of a partner and a child. I’m not his mother and don’t want to be. I know a lot of what I’ve said points to me and I do take the blame for half our failings, but I don’t want my little girl to grow up thinking that being a Muslim woman means that you are oppressed or are supposed to be unhappy with your lot in life and never try to improve. While I know you can’t have everything in life your way, one must indeed make it livable. I have asked him several times to come with me to a talk to an Imam but he has always refused.

The question is that even though I have decided to seek divorce, do you think there is any way out of this hopeless and hapless situation?

Answer: I feel very sad after reading the ordeal that you are facing. However, I have a last ditch suggestion which may be very difficult for you, but there is a slight chance that it might improve matters. Besides praying very hard to Allah, try to become a model wife for at least one month. In fact, given your condition, you might have to pretend and act (and maybe over act) for this. Do not show the slightest reaction to any of your husband’s bad habits. On the contrary, treat him as if he is the best husband in the world. Encourage him, laud all his good habits even if he does not have much of them. Tell him that you love him very much and that you pray that no troubles come his way. Assure him that if he does not feel like doing a job, he should rest TOTALLY and that you will take over (this is the hardest part but may work; you are already doing it!). Also think of other ways and means to please him to the utmost. Cook his favourite food. Take him out for a dinner: Give him a present. In short, do all you can to bring out your moral superiority and pray to Allah that this might awaken your husband’s conscience.

This is a bit of psychological treatment which has the potential of working with such husbands. Who knows, it might work in your case. May Allah set right your spouse for you and that you live as a very happy family.

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