Again, the same scene seems to replay. Tears are trickling down the cheeks of the hero while he is sitting on his bended knees with his hands stretched out. In the dead silence of the dark night, one can easily hear his heart pounding against his chest so fast that it seems that it would burst open. He has not uttered a word yet but it is certain that he is going through immense pain. His contracted countenance exhibits that this excruciating pain is not limited to his deeply wounded heart alone rather it has extended to his soul as though it has been shredded to pieces. From his head bowed down, it can be imagined that he is sorry for something that he has done and that he is now seeking the forgiveness of the Most High.

Suddenly, his lips begin to move slowly and his thoughts are thus projected in a soliloquy: ‘O my Lord, isn’t it ironic that I am in front of You in the same posture wishing to say the same words that I have articulated many times before? I very well remember the last time that I requested You to please forgive me for just one more time and very confidently assured You that this would never happen in my life again. You took pity on me and granted me Your forgiveness. I felt as though a new life was inspired into me. This gave me strength and I was determined to avail myself of this opportunity to defeat Satan once and for all. For the next few days, I remained very vigilant and overcame one obstacle after the other. Then, on this day I have erred again getting soaked with the filth I strongly resolved to rid myself completely of. I know if I request You to forgive me once again, You surely will. But I feel so hopeless. I have lost confidence in myself and become disillusioned with my strength. I don’t understand why You have proscribed suicide when it may be the only way to immigrate to the next world preserving the faith as well as the purity of heart. O my Lord! Please hasten to me. Help me. I am perplexed. I don’t know what I would do…’

‘My servant, I am here just for that: to help you, to nourish you and to hold you in a moment you find no one else to turn to. You are right I have again forgiven you. But, today, I will also impart to you something very valuable which if you keep in mind would help you to better combat evil. You thought that since you sincerely resolved to fight against evil, victory would always stand before you in complete submission. But you should know that no doubt sincerity will bring you marvelous reward in the Hereafter, it does not necessarily lead you to triumph in this world. Evil is not like the common enemy that once defeated by you would be afraid to stand in your way forever. You surely can enfeeble it but can never obliterate it from within yourself. To have an idea of the function of evil you should understand the mechanism of germs within your body. You remain healthy but it does not mean that you are devoid of any kind of germs. They are right there within your body. The moment they get their desired food, they get stronger and attack you more vigorously than ever. You don’t lose hope and after taking medicines, you again attain the strength to fight back. This is how it goes with your bodily illness. The case of spiritual diseases is no different. You cannot defeat evil once and for all. It will be there waiting for a chance to attack and divest you of your inner purification. The purity of heart is so vulnerable that you let it be affected and it will be. This is why you should be careful about what you take in for your spiritual health. Again, like the person who does not wish to acquire any bodily illness yet sometimes suffers from it, you too will be prone to evil influences. But know that the Master is well aware of the frailties that His servants have. He will treat you every time you turn back to Him with a broken heart brimmed with feelings of contrition. You pray to Me and I will award you strength and courage to fight back. And always keep in mind that there is no end to My mercy as there is no end to Me and the authority I wield over My kingdom.’

(Jhangeer Hanif)

_______________